16:31 - 06.07.2008
evils of food on the brain

all i can think about is me, a year ago, back when i was skin and bone. and how long it's going to take to get it back again.

i wonder if trennen will grow up to have an eating disorder, too. gods, i hope not.

he's not even born yet, and i'm already filled with fears and worries about his future.

i really worry about his relationship with food, though. even now, when i'm not anorexic or bulimic, i weigh/measure every bite that goes into my mouth. i spent hours creating nutritional analysis charts for everything i eat--how many calories, grams of fat, protein, vitamins, etc. there's no such thing as putting an ed behind you. even when you can't be diagnosed with it because your body seems all better, it's still there, eating away at your mind.

and my husband eats the shittiest food, which is going to be a TERRIBLE example for the baby. he doesn't like fruits of vegetables. he does like tacos, fast food, hostess snackcakes, chips, cheetoes, hotdgos, lunchmeat, eggs, bacon, english muffins, and white bread. i told him he needs to eat better for trennen, like i am.

we each have our own dorm refrigerator, because we each had one before we moved in together and didn't see the sense in investing in a big one (yet).
what's in his fridge: 5lbs of hamburger meat, a package of ham lunchmeat, a dozen eggs, a jar of mayonaise, a package of chicken&pork hotdogs, a half-gallon of 2% milk, some sort of cheap crappy beer, a tub of sour cream, a bottle of italian dressing, 2 sticks of butter, 2 packages of american cheese, a bag of shredded mexican cheese (whatever the hell that is), a jar or picante sauce a container of black olives.
what's in mine: a half-gallon of silk unsweetened soymilk, calcium-enriched orange juice, a bag of salad mix, granny smith apples, a bag of whole carrots, a jar of minced garlic, a bottle of spicy brown mustard, cooked mixed beans (16 different kinds in there), multicolored bell peppers, tomatoes, pineapple chunks, flaxseed meal, spinach, steamed broccoli cauliflower & carrots, cooked lentils, chopped-up onions, cooked spaghetti, a container with condensed tomato soup.
he has, in the cabinet: a pack of english muffins, a loaf of white bread, a bottle of canola oil, a spray-can of pam, a bag of sugar, a shaker of salt, packets of soysauce, boxes of macaroni and cheese, cans of chicken noodle and beef vegetable soup, packages of ramen noodles, packets of taco seasoning, bacon bits, a box of taco shells, a unopened box of honey nut cheerios, instant packets of maple & brown sugar oatmeal, ignored cans of peas corn & pears (which he swore he would eat.
what i have in the cabinet: a canister of wholegrain oatmeal, bags of granny smith apples, cans of tomato soup, a bag of walnut pieces, a bag of onions, a bag of cinnamon raisin bagels, a box of spaghetti, a bag of calcium chews, a bottle of prenatal vitamins, cans of spinach, a bag of lentils, a bag of mixed beans, 2 boxes of herbal tea, a box of corn chex.

it seems strange that we can even live in the same house.