13:56 - 04.07.2008
(sadface)

trennen really is a boy, and he loves to kick and punch the doctor and monitor wand during ultrasounds. at least he has good reflexes, but i think he really annoyed the doctor. he was very eager to show us that he is, indeed, a boy, but was very shy about his face; he kept covering his eyes with his hands.

i had to beg my husband to go to the appointment with me. he had no interest in going whatsoever. i told him it would be nice if he would at least go to one, and this last one would be the best for him since they were doing to detailed ultrasound.

we had a major fight and i left him for several days. he could not understand why. and the only reason he had as to why i should come back was: "because you love me and want to be with me." (then why the fuck did i leave in the first place???) i told him that i'm not sure, at this point, if i love him or want to be with him. that all i know is that i love trennen and i want him to be taken care of; which my husband doesn't seem to be capable of doing.

i told my boss that i have a hard time staying awake past 8:00pm. consequently, my schedule has been changed so that i have to work until 10:00pm everynight. which is fucking stupid. someday i'm going to fall asleep on the way home and die as result. i've had a couple nights so far where i've been so tired that i just started crying, and there was nothing i could do about it. i HATE working there anymore. and my feet swell from being on them all day. and the newest hire is totally worthless; he sniffs glue and watches me work my ass off all night. if i didn't have trennen to take care of, i would just quit.

still trying to figure out a way to notgobacktowork after he's born.