13:47 - 21.05.2008
mir ist kalt

i don't care how my grades end up this quarter. don't care if it matters. this time last year, i was perfect. notanymore.

only went to polisci today, which is where i am now, and only to finish the homework we're not supposed to work on in class. not taking notes. one week left.

i'm going to go buy clothes for my trennen bump when i leave. make vegan ginger brownies. (recipe: 1 box vegan brownie mix + enough diet vernor's ginger ale to make it batter). we don't have an oven. but i could cook it in a pan, or just heat the raw mix in the microwave. when my brothers and i were little, our mom let us eat a bowl of raw brownie batter once. ("just don't tell your dad," she said.) people think my family is weird. my husband will come home from painting, bitching that he's hungry. i'll tell him we're having raw brownie mix for dinner. he'll stare at me like i've gone mad.

he did ask me to art the ceiling of his car, amazingly. because the fabric is torn up and missing in places. he asked if i would make drawings that he could pin to the ceiling to cover it up and make the car unique.

i still hate him.

i have to do my laundry, too, because i have nothing clean left to wear. and shell out $40 to fill the 10-gallon tank in my car, because it's riding on "e."

if money didn't exist, i could take trennen and the babies and go live somewhere else. my husband wants to name him frederick. i do like the name frederick--which also happens to be dalin (the seafood lead's) realname. so i'm debating trennen-rudolf karlheinz versus trennen-frederick karlheinz. i want the baby to have a long, pretty name with endless possibilities for nicknames. and i don't want his initials to spell "elf" like mine do. for a girl, it's either maddalyn-rosa teiran or maddalyn-rebekkah teiran. my best friend's name is becca, which accounts for the second. i like the first better, but 1)my grandmother's name is rosalie 2)my cousin had a babygirl last year and named her delanie rose, after her grandmothers. i don't really care what my husband thinks about names. he won't talk about trennen. i talk aloud to myself in front of him about trennen constantly. besides, i'm pretty damn sure they'll ask me, not him, what the baby's name is. who even knows if he'll be there with me when trennen is born? i'm not going to count on it.

the problem with sitting in the back of the lab: the air conditioner vent is directly behind me. brrr.