14:41 - 16.01.2008
dresden!, vomit!, fuckups!

think i should get, instead of thor's hammer on my wrist, a huge tattoo saying: "classskipper" or perhaps even "cheater" on my forehead. i feel awful. not just that guilt.

past three days, bingeandpurge. herzlichen wilkommen in miamialand. my gag reflex has been working quite well, amazingly. hopefully my writing that won't jinx anything. it worked the past 2 days anyhow. mein verlobter slept through one episode and disregarded the other. i don't think he gives a shit anymore.

i'm tempted to send him a textmessage: "guess what??? i had sex with the meatcutter yesterday! fuckyou!" but i don't know what i hope to achieve by that. except that i like to talk about my sexual exploits. and i'm running out of people to talk to, besides him. i think it's kinda fair, though. i have many good reasons to believe that he's been cheating on me since day #1.

too many signs. if you believe in that sort of thing. the cutter spontaneously asks me to runaway to mexico with him and invites me over to his place. acted upon. kasch told me to come over to his place anytime (wink). i let him kiss me the other day. act upon? then zelig, who is currently in dresden. he teaches at the same university kasch is from. i asked kasch if he knew him, but of course not. die tu dresden is a very large school. i should try to transfer there to be with zelig again, but i doubt i could. my overall gpa is about 3.5, and i know my grades this quarter are shitty, thus far. if i had a 4.0, maybe. dresden. my longdistance boyfriend.

my current delusion is that if i leave the country, i'll getbetter&fast.

will this never end?