10:16 - 14.11.2007
herzlich gluckw�nsch zum �pfelsaft

i used to believe, when i was a little kid, that i could become a professional writer. it was a secret, though, like i always knew it was impossible, that people would ridicule me for voicing my true desires. proof: when i was 3 years old and attending preschool, we had to make a poster showing our family, pets, likes, dislikes, future ambitionss, etc. i wrote that i wanted to be a dentist, even though i wanted no such thing. wanted to write, to paint, but somehow knew, even then, that this would be considered unacceptable. so why did i pick dentist? because the family dentist is a kind, funny man, always with a smile on his face and a joke on the tip of his tongue and oddball trivia on his lips and a goodwish upon his heart. he was the best person in the world i knew. so, dentist, in neon pink, drawn on the poster, metal instruments in hand, also in that same pink. everyone else drew the people on their posters in realcolors: brown and black and peach and so forth. i drew my family (this was before my youngest brother's birth) each in a different monochrome: red father, blue mother, purple me, green brother, orange cat (actually, he was black&white). why? because those colors MEANT the people. elementary school teachers never understood my art. scolded me for being so "unrealistic." i think my drawings were the most realistic of all. it's not what we look like that defines us, but rather, what's on the inside. what i tried/try to bring out in my work. i do believe that i can see things that other people can't. i just keep my observations silent, let them trickle out in collages and stories later on.

it's just another case of sadlittleboygrowsup.