14:19 - 04.11.2007
half-eaten bagel (i don't even like bagels!)

even though i just wrote a superlong entry.

bingeing&purging. my fiance went to work too early because of the time change; came home earlier than i thought, consequently, and has caught me in the middle yet again. iknowimbeingbad. told me i'm burning up. explains why i feel so awful and feverish. and why the flu medicine i took made me feel slightlyu better, but the cold medicine didn't do fucking shit.

i have to go to the bank before i can renew my gold membership. my checking account is empty. but i have 4 paychecks to deposit, plus my partial tuition refund from osu.

trying to find a mealplan that will work. been trying 99kcal/day...any wonder i end up bingeing eventually. i know i'm being dumb. i just can't help it. years and years and years and years and years and years and years.

my earliest memories of disordered eating. 4, 5 years old. ate half cake & puked it when i was 7 or 8. my brother's birthday. worried about being fat since i was 6. failing dieters in a family of morbidly obese adults. not a good impression upon the kids. idontwant2growup2bafatasslikeu!

well, all in all, i supppose i haven't. 9 years of ed (as of 2 fridays from now) & counting. guessigrewup2bbulimicinstead.