23:24 - 18.10.2007
stomach acid is eating a hole in my nose (ithink)

so it's actually a picture of me this time. one that my best friend took last spring. i looked so much better then. that was when my ribs were visible through my skin from a distance. i was barely bulimic. more anorexic. oh, how the times have changed.

i gained weight at first because i didn't know how to purge well enough to accomodate the excessive bingeing. but now i've learned.

accidentally ruminating; vomit caked in my throat and nose. spewing undigested pills that i took two days ago. well, i'd say i've lost digestive function. my gi tract is probably utterly destroyed. & i know i will never get to go to therapy.

tofu and vegetables. three days in planning. didn't plan the cookies and chocolate, though, or gagging and choking so much that i don't know if i can get the last 40 or so lax down.

someday, i am simply going to die, and that will be the end of this all.

celebrities are not bulimic. puppets feel no pain.