18:58 - 28.08.2007
you're a wolf

it's been another fucking horrible day here in mialand. woke up way too sick to function. could have been the 45 pink pills i poppped mechanically last night after i ate a bowl of raw brownie mix. at least it was vegan, so no fears of salmonella. then again, does sugar, water, flour, and cocoa constitute brownie mix? mia was too impatient to let me finish adding all the ingredients. just "now, now, NOW!" inside my head.

my fiance took me to the doctor. & i was late meeting him to go there because, exhausted no doubt from fits of violent diarrhea since 1:00 am, i accidentally fell asleep around 9:00 am, and just happened to wake up, not dressed or in any way ready, at 10:00 am, the time at which i should have been putting my car in gear. then, at the clinic, i couldn't have my whole appointment because i had to waste time filling out paperwork that should have already been done but either a) they forgot to mail it to me or b) my mother threw it away.

being officially diagnosed as bulimic is quite different from saying it yourself. i burst into tears when the doctor said it and wrote it on my file. i broke down again when my fiance dropped me off at my car. had to call work and tell them i would be 15 minutes late. got to work, started feeling really sick again. after 2.5 hours of struggling, i was running to the bathroom, certain i wouldn't make it. i did make it. i came back, feeling fucking awful and simultaneously relieved, and the meat cutter said, "please tell me that you threw up so you can go home and i can stay and work your shift." which is how he and rita eventually convinced me to go home sick. i desperately need the money, but those 45 pills were clearly too much for me. i never would have made it. i owe tim (the cutter) big time.