18:29 - 14.08.2007
a child's smothered cry turns to hilarity

they�re the best outpatient ed clinic in the columbus area because they are the only outpatient ed clinic in the greater columbus area. if you don�t want to deal with them, the next closest option is in cleveland. my fianc� has to take me up there to fill out an assessment to determine if they will see me. then, they will call me in threetofive weeks when an appointment opens up. the assessment is supposed to be filled out over the phone, but my social anxiety is too great to speak with a stranger and ask to take said evaluation. i don�t feel that waiting three weeks for an appointment is being very helpful. apparently, the only way to get help right away is to go check yourself into the pysch ward, and that only works if your insurance will cover it.

now, i could go through osu�s psych ward, which will take me immediately because i have their insurance and they know they�re getting paid. this i know from prior experience, when they whisked me away immediately because their stupid headdoctor made me cry because she was mean and called me pathetic and hopeless, despite that they had a twoyear waiting list of people trying to get in. but i dislike osu because they make all ed patients go through the residential psych ward first. when i was there, my first roommate had severe anorexia. she arrived five minutes before lunchtime. they shoved the plate of food in her face, and refused to eat it. they demanded that she eat, and she started crying and said that she didn�t know what to do. the doctors then berated her: �what do you mean you don�t know what to do? you have a plate of food & it�s lunchtime�are you stupid? just eat it!� no, i don�t feel that osu�s pysch ward is in my best interest.

this place in worthington does have an osu phone number, which i noted immediately, but my fianc� asked them repeatedly, and they say that they have no affiliation with osu as far as treatment goes; they just rent office space in an osu building. which was formerly known as harding hospital. back when it was the state psych ward. suggestive of gloom and doom. it puts dark images in my mind, i know.

i've been writing quite a long poem: "thank you, mother, for making me bulimic."